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What happens at the Store? Many have said that upon entering the best pirate supply store in San Francisco, they get a sensation of déjà vu. Others walk in and feel at once the miracle work of an unseen hand. Yet there are those whose eyes bulge and shrink simultaneously while their thoughts are so convoluted that they are unable to shout or mutter the question that most plagues them: "What is this place?" The store log is weekly account of actual events that occur in the shop, as well as testimonials, comments and complaints from our customers. February 12, 2009 Sadness and Joy With today's entry comes both sadness and joy. SADNESS:
JOY:
February 8, 2009 The Muse's Roll by Kent Hall On Friday, we celebrated our brand new window display, The Muse's Roll designed and executed by artist Kent Hall. Patrons and parents (of the artist) alike enjoyed drinking official Pirate Store Sauvignon and dipping various high quality crackers into various dips (including the vanguard of all dips: hummus). Ice was broken, lifelong friendships were formed. Count Torvald Swithins & his obedient wife were both in attendance, as was Sal Lafarge (of the Reno, Nevada Lafarges.) And, donning his traditional cape and monocle was the self-proclaimed "Eternal Bachelor" Ruoy Harrington. The evening was consummately droll, everyone agreed. In fact, I think Gene Fitzhew III said it best when he said, "[Unintelligible garble, with an air of wealth and fancifulness to it.]" Thank you Kent for all your hard work and ravishing art. Thank you everyone else for coming out to celebrate the ravishing art. February 3, 2009 Horace and the Violin That Calmed The Raging Sea Part IV Then, just as the sea continued on in its' third consecutive rage-filled week of raging, Horace began playing his violin. And the sea was calm. Just like that. January 25, 2009 Rejuvenation A man just came in, put a decorative bottle to his eye and said, "Uh, I think your spyglass is broken." His friend told him quietly, "That's a bottle. This is a spyglass." And he picked up a spyglass. Because, really people, who doesn't know the difference between a spyglass and a bottle? That one guy. August 10, 2008 Fat Lips Normandy Changes His Ways Before he came to live with us in relative peace and harmony, the cinnamon clown fish found in our fish theater was known as “Fat Lips” Normandy. "Fat Lips" was the most notorious muscle in all of gangland Chicago. If a debt was owed or a lesson was in need of learning, the brownish glow of "Fat Lips" Normandy was never far away. Yet after witnessing the Valentine’s Day Massacre, Normandy felt a chill down to his fishy bones. Normandy suffered an extreme change of consciousness, no longer able to continue his life of thuggery. We found "Fat Lips" some years ago, hitchhiking outside San Leandro California, shivering in a torn green poncho as the rain poured down. He looked scared, fragile, and in need of solace. To Be Continued... August 04, 2008 A man came in the store and said some of the following to me: -I am running for governor of California July 30, 2008 On Jailer Keys For centuries a fierce rivalry has been fought along the Atlantic Seas over what bagels are better: New York or Montreal. Many the swashbuckler's life has been laid down at the tip of a sword while screams of "Big and Doughy!" or "Thin and Crispy!" reverberated across eastern hulls and drawing quarters. While I'm not saying that our jailer keys will solve this dilemma, they are very good at opening things. July 24, 2008 On Twine As a popular jet-setting swinger I know a lot of people. As such, rarely a day goes by that I don't owe SOMEONE a delicately wrapped present. After years of searching the high seas for the perfect affordable but luxurious wrapping substance, I've found that nothing does the trick quite like twine. Delicate but sturdy, old fashioned while still cutting edge, perfect for (practically) every occasion. Twine! July 18, 2008 -Brazilians are shrew barterers July 11, 2008 There are few things worse than a molting mop. In exchange for a joke I offered up the "what do you call a fish with no eyes" joke. Five minutes later a little girl offered the very same joke. Eyebrows were raised, scowls offered. Customer: We're looking for daggers. -Dan July 03, 2008 June 26, 2008 Most unique barter of the day: A sea turtle impression. A young boy swam across the store and did an impression of the turtle eating his dad's leg. I offered a peg leg as I was so impressed, but it was declined. June 20, 2008 A four year old in a cape told me the following story: Once upon a time there was a castle. The castle was at the bottom of the sea. One day a great white shark ate the castle, -The end Epilogue: No, no one died. They lived inside the shark. June 13, 2008 Staff pick: compass! We all know that wherever you go, there you are, but what if where you are is on a leaky dingy with only an oar and your barnacle-encrusted toes to keep you company? Well, shiver me timbers if you wouldn't wish you had a compass along for the ride. Take it from someone who's been there; a compass is your best bet for getting out of wide-open oceanic and emotional spaces. -Lily June 09, 2008 These are the things I wish I could do for the four seasons. In the summer I wish I could go to the lake. In the fall I wish I could jump in a pile of leaves. In the winter I wish I could have a snowball fight with my big sister Sara. In the spring I wish I could go camping. I love the four seasons. My favorite is summer. -Alejandro Jesus Sanchez, customer June 06, 2008 Staff Pick: eyepatch Look, I know what you're thinking: "Do I really need ANOTHER eyepatch?" The answer, while unequivocably yes, is complicated. Have you considered the size of your head? The diameter of your right eye versus your left? Have you changed your color palette recently? Don't you think it's about time? I mean, seriously, weren't you weren't green and black this time three years ago? Did it even look good then? Wasn't everyone just trying to keep your feelings from getting hurt? Eye patches: it's time. -Dan June 05, 2008 There are currently four people in the store wearing black and white horizontal-striped shirts. None seem to recognize their soul-mates of color coordination or that there are similar shirts hanging on the rack behind them. Maybe this is what it's like every day working at The Gap. June 02, 2008 STYLES OF MOPINE ASCENSION -anonymous customer May 26, 2008 Page sixteen is bittersweet; My favorite drawer is number four I wish my mom would come back soon -anonymous customer May 22, 2008 I really think Rosie Barrantes summed it up well with her description of our store: "You get mopped. Buy stuff. Look at fish." Don't you? May 19, 2008 Today I watched Pirates of the Caribbean. I must admit that Jack Sparrow was an incredibly unfashionable pirate. Anyway. It was a dark and stormy night, and all the ships were at sea. And the captain said to his men: "Men! I have a story to tell you: It was a dark and stormy night, and all the ships were at sea. And the captain said to his men: 'Men! I have a story to tell you . . .'" -anonymous customer May 16, 2008 There once was a pirate from France His breeches would shine -anonymous customers May 10, 2008 Words: fervid Pirate factoid/story: Pirates wore earrings to improve their eyesight. The acupuncture point for eyesight is evidently one's earlobe. Make of this what you will. May 06, 2008 May 01, 2008 getting mopped - "why me?" -anonymous customer April 21, 2008 Tragic Sea Shanty "Ahoy, my mates! "'Come to my ship!' -anonymous customer April 16, 2008 Today we were a stop on the Yelp scavenger hunt. I was given a box of cassette tapes to hand out at my discretion. Every ten minutes or so, groups of colorfully-dressed folks would come in who I would then make barter for the hint. Highlights: April 14, 2008 April 11, 2008 Point, shoot, SNAP, FLASH! -Sara Davis, customer April 07, 2008 Mouths closed, pens down He's touching me, she stole my seat Maria and Andrew kissing in the hall Yo ho yo ho a teacher's life for me! -anonymous customer April 02, 2008 A man gave me what he called “a real pirate coin.” On closer inspection it is from the Cayman Islands. March 28, 2008 March 20, 2008 A Woman just put her baby in the vat. March 16, 2008 |
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