“This is the most joy I’ve ever felt in a store.”
— customer

This morning a construction worker was filling a hole in the sidewalk right outside the store just as Jory was welcoming everyone to the morning field trip. He handed Jory $20, saying he wanted to buy coins for all the kids.

I sold 136 black eyepatches and bundled 36 beard trimmings.
It was raining.

Today’ s barters:
1 leg put behind head
1 tap dance
1 set of jumping jacks
1 song about a race car
3 drawings
1 joke
1 back bend

Today a girl walked in and remarked, “This is a wonderful hybrid.”

Found hanging on parking meter outside 826 Valencia:
A brown canvas satchel from H&M containing:

1. 1 Starbucks card
2. 1 Jiffy Lube receipt for a signature oil change service
3. 1 Designer Shoe Warehouse (DSW) membership card
4. 1 business card from The Cabinet Center
5. 1 business card from Notorious: The Place for Hair in the Castro
6. 1 business card from Rachel Kadner original custom glass and mosaic art and design
7. 1 business card from 24-hour Fitness
8. 8 business cards from various Bank of America branches around the city
9. 1 Caremark pharmacy card
10. 1 business card from Tallula restaurant
11. 1 laminated business card– size 2005 calendar compliments of Cliff’ s Variety
12. 5 VIP passes to Gold's Gym with “Colin” written in the “Ask for” space
13. 1 Muni ticket from December 19, 2004
14. 1 ATM purchase receipt from SF Fashion Design for an item called “Checking Big Daddy” for $11.33
15. 1 Safeway receipt for:
–onions yellow jumb
–season salt
–Sprite
–.37 lbs tomatoes
16. 1 list:

–Pre-party:
–invitations
–DYMK (Does Your Mother Know?)
–Kard Zone
–helium
–balloons
–string
–$19.99
–Wednesday
–plates
–wineglasses
–napkins
–dessert plates
–forks
–beverages
–dessert
–chocolate cakes
–tarts
–party favors (make)
–fortune cookies (Custom Fortune Cookie Co., SF)
–mint tins (make) (with drawing of mint tin)
–wine charms, beads, wire, glass accents (crossed out)
–wine stoppers
–non-alcoholic
The list was written on a notepad trademarked The Weekly Compass(TM). Each page had the headline: “What is the most important thing I can do in this role this week?” Each day was divided into 2 categories: “Roles” and “Big Rocks(TM).” Under Roles the categories were: Sharpen the Saw, Physical, Social/Emotional, Mental, Spiritual, and each day had a checklist: 1. Review notes 2. Choose Big Rocks(TM) 3. Schedule the Week 4. Check today’ s appointments 5. Make a realistic list 6. Prioritize (ABC, 123)

A man called the store today to inquire about the “ little lard boy” sculpture mentioned on our “ Uses for Lard” sign. He said he had purchased several of the signs and posted them around his office. “ Uses for Lard” he had pinned up in the employee break room. “ Guidelines for Shipmates” had been included in their New Employee Handbook.
“ Where do you work?” I asked him.
“ City Hall,” he replied.

A man with an unkempt beard swept the lard from side to side for several minutes. “ This is just so sexy,” he said.

Today was a day of twos:
–Two locks of hair bartered for lard.
–Two inquiries of, “ Is this a restaurant?”
–Two moppings done without permission.

A father and his son came in to dig for treasure. The father told his son to keep his treasure in his pocket and to hold on to it tight and to whisper a wish. If he wished really hard, the father said, a pirate might come in the night and make the wish come true.

A man told his friend about a toga party of his youth at which one friend arrived dressed as the Pope. His friend said, “ You told me it was a Roman party.”

Overheard on Valencia Street:
“Remember when I was in Seville (Suh-vee-yah) and I was blowing my nose and it was totally black?”

A man came in selling a new spring water vending service.

A woman balancing a twenty-pound bag of cat food on her head stopped to look at the window display.

A guy from Magic Plumbing came by to fix the toilet in the writing lab and looked so happy when we accepted his estimate. He was practically humming as he walked back and forth through the store, swinging his wrench.

Word of the Day: Ziggurat

Today’s sign:
Want to dress like a pope?
We can help.

A short, burly man came in and announced that he was looking for a woman who hates him. She lives in Florida, he said, but she owns houses all over the world. He asked if she had passed through here. I said I had not seen her. He looked in some of the draweres, then left, saying he hopes he never sees her again.
At the very end of the day, a man rushed into the store, panting and sweating. He was carrying a large cardboard box. Inside was a hand-wrought knife with a handle shaped like a cloven hoof. He said he had traveled far and wide to bring it to 826 Valencia because he loves what we do here, and he was hoping we could sell his knives in the store. “There are more where this one came from, ya know,” he said. I explained that we had young children passing through frequently and thus it would probably be unwise for us to sell sharp knives with handles shaped like cloven hooves. He looked disappointed, but he said he understood. Then he said that on his way over here from the 16th and Mission BART station he had been pulled aside by two cops and they had threatened to give him a citation for carrying an unconcealed weapon.