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What happens at the Store?

Many have said that upon entering the best pirate supply store in San Francisco, they get a sensation of déjà vu. Others walk in and feel at once the miracle work of an unseen hand. Yet there are those whose eyes bulge and shrink simultaneously while their thoughts are so convoluted that they are unable to shout or mutter the question that most plagues them: “What is this place?”

The store log is weekly account of actual events that occur in the shop, as well as testimonials, comments and complaints from our customers.

July 31, 2006

Many exciting visitors today, despite the sweltering heat.
Mystic Marlow plays a pirate down at Pier 39, over by Boudin Bakery. He tells me with surprise that he’s the only pirate performer currently down there. He gets an eyepatch and a compass but declines a gold tooth because, he says, he already has teeth missing which looks pretty cool. I ask him what else he wears. Suede pants and a flowing white shirt, he tells me. It has to be white, so when he lies down on his bed of nails (yep!) “if there’s blood, they can see it.” Eep! I think I'll keep my job.

“Mayor Mike,” mayor of a small Minnesota town, hands me a stack of these “keys to the City” for all of us for the great work we do here. He splits before I can ask him more questions, and after reading the card, I am only more confused. Is this a tourism campaign? An advertisement for sunscreen? How Road trip for Mt. Holly, I think.

July 24, 2006

“I feel like the eyeballs are watching me,” said a six-year old boy, who explored the store on top of his dad’s shoulders. Together they opened all of the hard-to-reach drawers.
“Are those really someone’s hands?” he asked me, referring to the golden hands sitting atop the drawers. “They used to be,” I told him. His dad chuckled and they tried to open highest drawer of all, but the poor kid couldn’t stretch his arm enough. “Dad, too bad you’re too heavy to sit on my shoulders,” he said.

July 18, 2006

I mopped my own mother and it was beautiful. It was a perfect mopping—spontaneous, unexpected, appreciated by the moppee and the rest of the store.

July 11, 2006

Bartered joke from an adorable, blond little boy, in exchange for a red rock:
Q: What do you call a cat in a bowl of lemonade?
A: A sour puss!

July 07, 2006

Today’s sign:
Avast Ye Maties!
Translation:
Viva Italia!

July 05, 2006

Around 3:30, a young boy came in with a skateboard and asked if he could barter a skateboard trick for a piece of treasure. So Josh, Carson, and I went and stood on the sidewalk to watch. The kid skated up and down the sidewalk, spun around, did a few kick-flips, and even jumped off the stool. The best part was when a couple walked in front of him and he skidded to a stop by turning his skateboard suddenly sideways. I let him take two treasures instead of the one.

July 03, 2006

Today was busy for a Monday! At numerous times throughout the day, there was barely any room to even walk around the shop. One of my favorite neighborhood five-year-olds, a blonde kid named Miles, showed up to talk about ant hills with me. He found a red stone that looked somewhat like a heart in the vat, and in exchange, he drew an ant hill with a giant light because “the ants have to see where they are going somehow because it is so dark underground.” Then, he explained his theory of how an ant has three fingers on the end of each of his six legs because they can crawl better with fingers and toes. I told him what an appendage was, but couldn’t quite say it properly:

Addendage
Pendage
Appendead

Later, an eight-year-old boy performed capoeira for a Canadian penny that he found in the vat.

 

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