826 Valencia - Store Log

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What happens at the Store?

Many have said that upon entering the best pirate supply store in San Francisco, they get a sensation of déjà vu. Others walk in and feel at once the miracle work of an unseen hand. Yet there are those whose eyes bulge and shrink simultaneously while their thoughts are so convoluted that they are unable to shout or mutter the question that most plagues them: “What is this place?”

The store log is weekly account of actual events that occur in the shop, as well as testimonials, comments and complaints from our customers.

December 27, 2006

Number of renditions of Brutus’s speech from Julius Caesar: 1
Number of songs about Biblical staffs and snakes: 1
Number of stories about a princess and a dragon: 1
Number of personal jigs to gypsy music: 11

December 19, 2006

A blond-haired, blue-eyed German girl, about two and a half years old, came in and drew an abstract drawing of a lion. The man she was with was speaking to her in German, though she spoke perfect English to me. After she left, some German-speaking customers told me that the girl had been walking around the store lifting the trapdoors and speaking a stream of German expletives.

December 15, 2006

Today’s sign:
At 826 Valencia we don’t do:
-anything in unison
-anything “veggie”
-vanity plates
-anything “moist”

December 11, 2006

Today a Xerox machine and a shipment of glass eyes were delivered. As the deliveryman was wrapping up the old one in shrink wrap to take away, I noticed a college-age guy hanging around. I thought he might be one of the new fall interns assisting with the delivery. So I said, “Can I ask your opinion?” He looked alarmed. I held up two brown eyeballs. “Can you tell the difference between these?” I said. One of them looked like it might have a larger pupil than the other, but I couldn’t be sure. He didn’t look as curious or enthusiastic about the question as I had expected, but finally he pointed at one and said, “Uh, I guess this one looks a little more, um, hazel.” I said, “Are you a new intern?” and he flicked his thumb thumb back at the man wrapping the Xerox machine and said, “No, that’s my dad. I’m working for my dad’s company right now.”
Later a girl came in and asked if we sold nose rings. She said she was thinking of getting her nose pierced. When I suggested she try a piercing shop, like maybe in the Haight, she said, “You think?”

December 05, 2006

Q: What did the bat say when he was done biting the giraffe?
A: Fangs a lot.
(When I asked the boy why a giraffe, he shrugged and said, “I don’t know, because they’re juicier.”)


	*Archives* June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005 November 2005 October 2005 September 2005 August 2005 July 2005 June 2005 May 2005 April 2005 March 2005		What happens at the Store? Many have said that upon entering the best pirate supply store in San Francisco, they get a sensation of déjà vu. Others walk in and feel at once the miracle work of an unseen hand. Yet there are those whose eyes bulge and shrink simultaneously while their thoughts are so convoluted that they are unable to shout or mutter the question that most plagues them: “What is this place?” The store log is weekly account of actual events that occur in the shop, as well as testimonials, comments and complaints from our customers. December 27, 2006 Number of renditions of Brutus’s speech from Julius Caesar: 1 Number of songs about Biblical staffs and snakes: 1 Number of stories about a princess and a dragon: 1 Number of personal jigs to gypsy music: 11 December 19, 2006 A blond-haired, blue-eyed German girl, about two and a half years old, came in and drew an abstract drawing of a lion. The man she was with was speaking to her in German, though she spoke perfect English to me. After she left, some German-speaking customers told me that the girl had been walking around the store lifting the trapdoors and speaking a stream of German expletives. December 15, 2006 Today’s sign: At 826 Valencia we don’t do: -anything in unison -anything “veggie” -vanity plates -anything “moist” December 11, 2006 Today a Xerox machine and a shipment of glass eyes were delivered. As the deliveryman was wrapping up the old one in shrink wrap to take away, I noticed a college-age guy hanging around. I thought he might be one of the new fall interns assisting with the delivery. So I said, “Can I ask your opinion?” He looked alarmed. I held up two brown eyeballs. “Can you tell the difference between these?” I said. One of them looked like it might have a larger pupil than the other, but I couldn’t be sure. He didn’t look as curious or enthusiastic about the question as I had expected, but finally he pointed at one and said, “Uh, I guess this one looks a little more, um, hazel.” I said, “Are you a new intern?” and he flicked his thumb thumb back at the man wrapping the Xerox machine and said, “No, that’s my dad. I’m working for my dad’s company right now.” Later a girl came in and asked if we sold nose rings. She said she was thinking of getting her nose pierced. When I suggested she try a piercing shop, like maybe in the Haight, she said, “You think?” December 05, 2006 Q: What did the bat say when he was done biting the giraffe? A: Fangs a lot. (When I asked the boy why a giraffe, he shrugged and said, “I don’t know, because they’re juicier.”)