826 Valencia - Store Log

Many have said that upon entering the best pirate supply store in San Francisco, they get a sensation of déjà vu. Others walk in and feel at once the miracle work of an unseen hand. Yet there are those whose eyes bulge and shrink simultaneously while their thoughts are so convoluted that they are unable to shout or mutter the question that most plagues them: “What is this place?”

The store log is weekly account of actual events that occur in the shop, as well as testimonials, comments and complaints from our customers.

A group of enthusiasts spent at least twenty minutes sitting in the fish theater interpreting the actions of the tank as Hamlet. They had cast Otka, the star she is, as the prince himself. I obliged them with the morning feeding and they were in agreement that all of a sudden it was Act IV and the massacre was underway.

Sign today: We may not be able to mend your broken heart. But our peg legs will never let you down.

Q: What do you call a cat in a bowl of lemonade?
A: A sourpuss.

Dear 826 Valencia,
I didn’t realize how important an independent pirate supply store was
until I stopped at the Capt. Rick Booty Cove in my area. I wanted to get some foil covered chocolate coins for the children coming to a birthday party. These look like real gold coins, however, you can peel off the gold foil and eat the chocolate.

Capt. Rick’s coins were not a brand I expected, however, the price was right, so I bought five of the little net bags and went home, confident I had the perfect crowning touch. Little did I know that these were far from a treat, they were a torment!

When my own son (age three) had a bite of his coin then spat it on the floor, I put it down to his lack of manners. Then my daughter (age eight) gagged after eating a piece of the chocolate. I went across the room to help her, and the seven guests started crying at the same time! My daughter couldn’t speak, all she could do was hold her throat and point at the chocolate coin. I took a bite, and nearly passed out.

The candy was made with unsweetened baker’s chocolate!

This was worse than a poor joke; it was a cruel act.

Believe me when I say that I will never shop for any of my pirate
products at Capt. Rick’s Booty Cove ever again!

Yours in plunder on the high seas,
Michael


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