826 Valencia - Store Log

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What happens at the Store?

Many have said that upon entering the best pirate supply store in San Francisco, they get a sensation of déjà vu. Others walk in and feel at once the miracle work of an unseen hand. Yet there are those whose eyes bulge and shrink simultaneously while their thoughts are so convoluted that they are unable to shout or mutter the question that most plagues them: “What is this place?”

The store log is weekly account of actual events that occur in the shop, as well as testimonials, comments and complaints from our customers.

August 27, 2007

Captain Rick called, asking for "Ollie Tabooger." How childish. I said Ollie was busy at the moment, but could I talk to Bea O'Problem? The Captain tasted his own medicine and it was bitter.

August 20, 2007

A customer bought a handful of mice -- 6 to be exact -- with a fistful of $2 bills. I mentioned to him he was a filthy, no good, lying, cheating excretion, and who is this ...this Thomas Jefferson? Declaration of what? My mother? Why you...!

August 13, 2007

File under "Treasure Vat Tips for Enthusiastic, Upright Buccaneers":

#46 -- Songs That Work: "We're Not Gonna Take It," "Eye of the Tiger," "Living on a Payer," and "Carrie."

#47 -- Songs That Work But We'll Make Fun of You When You Leave: "A Pirate's Life for Me," "Wind Beneath My Wings," "Here Comes the Hammer," and "Butterfly Kisses."

August 06, 2007

Our lard is unflinching. Every morsel of silky, sumptuous grease is personally inspected by pirate Dan to be of the highest quality both in taste and aroma. However, pirate store lard is not for sale. It never has been and it never will be. No, my friends, pirate store lard is only available via barter. Notice we did not say haggle! Barter!

You may proffer your wares at any time. However! Lest you be talking diamonds and pearls, only one item will suffice: A lock of your pretty, shiny, land-lubbing hair. I speak truth! For we amass the collected hair and provide mustaches for pirates that could otherwise not grow them.

To summarize: hair for lard. Here end of the lesson.


	*Archives* June 2008 May 2008 April 2008 March 2008 February 2008 January 2008 December 2007 November 2007 October 2007 September 2007 August 2007 July 2007 June 2007 May 2007 April 2007 March 2007 February 2007 January 2007 December 2006 November 2006 October 2006 September 2006 August 2006 July 2006 June 2006 May 2006 April 2006 March 2006 February 2006 January 2006 December 2005 November 2005 October 2005 September 2005 August 2005 July 2005 June 2005 May 2005 April 2005 March 2005		What happens at the Store? Many have said that upon entering the best pirate supply store in San Francisco, they get a sensation of déjà vu. Others walk in and feel at once the miracle work of an unseen hand. Yet there are those whose eyes bulge and shrink simultaneously while their thoughts are so convoluted that they are unable to shout or mutter the question that most plagues them: “What is this place?” The store log is weekly account of actual events that occur in the shop, as well as testimonials, comments and complaints from our customers. August 27, 2007 Captain Rick called, asking for "Ollie Tabooger." How childish. I said Ollie was busy at the moment, but could I talk to Bea O'Problem? The Captain tasted his own medicine and it was bitter. August 20, 2007 A customer bought a handful of mice -- 6 to be exact -- with a fistful of $2 bills. I mentioned to him he was a filthy, no good, lying, cheating excretion, and who is this ...this Thomas Jefferson? Declaration of what? My mother? Why you...! August 13, 2007 File under "Treasure Vat Tips for Enthusiastic, Upright Buccaneers": #46 -- Songs That Work: "We're Not Gonna Take It," "Eye of the Tiger," "Living on a Payer," and "Carrie." #47 -- Songs That Work But We'll Make Fun of You When You Leave: "A Pirate's Life for Me," "Wind Beneath My Wings," "Here Comes the Hammer," and "Butterfly Kisses." August 06, 2007 Our lard is unflinching. Every morsel of silky, sumptuous grease is personally inspected by pirate Dan to be of the highest quality both in taste and aroma. However, pirate store lard is not for sale. It never has been and it never will be. No, my friends, pirate store lard is only available via barter. Notice we did not say haggle! Barter! You may proffer your wares at any time. However! Lest you be talking diamonds and pearls, only one item will suffice: A lock of your pretty, shiny, land-lubbing hair. I speak truth! For we amass the collected hair and provide mustaches for pirates that could otherwise not grow them. To summarize: hair for lard. Here end of the lesson.