Advice to 826 Valencia tutors: don’t pass up opportunities to help high school sophomores write ironic fairy tales—at least not when the teacher, Jenny Lambert, brings her fantastic classes in from Ygnacio Valley High School. These particular students preferred to write many of their fairy tales in so-called ghetto-style. From their performances, I learned of three pigs that avoid getting their kicks ripped off by seeking sanctuary in a brick house. Brick, as it turns out, is strong enough to withstand an aggressive wolf’s leaf blower (his lungs aren’t up for the job because he has a cold). I also learned of a fair woman, Snow White, who is finer than her evil stepmother. Typical of evil stepmothers, Snow White’s poisons her. Luckily two rapping dorks save the day (“Hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to work we go, yo”). Unfortunately, I got roped into standing in for the real Snow White (who, if I understand correctly, didn’t turn in her permission slip). Being neither fair, nor versed in ghetto-style, I was coached extensively so that I could deliver my line, “for sure.” For sho. Nope. Fo Shor. Nope. Foh Showa. I never really got it, but the rapping dorks forgave me, and we all had a great time. So, like I said, don’t pass up an opportunity to tutor high school sophomores at 826 Valencia.

— Matt Simon