by Jennifer Yu
My first year of college has definitely been most interesting. I’ve had a rocky year to say the least. First semester I didn’t study much. I didn’t do as well as I would have hoped either. This semester I’ve been studying like crazy, taking easier classes, and yet I get the same results. Someone please tell me why. I really hope it doesn’t come down to a question of my intelligence because at one time or another I know that I had to have been fairly bright.
Meanwhile, I’m still trying to figure out where I want to let life take me. There are so many things that I’m interested in, yet none evoke the passion that I believe is necessary to dedicate my entire life to. However, that is not to detract from my writing which is of course still very much a part of me. I’ve written two short stories throughout the year and the final results, I would say, are on par with my previous pieces. I am currently taking a creative writing class. It is actually offered by the comparative literature department here at Berkeley. We’ve written pieces for five assignments so far and each time, our teacher asks for us to read our pieces aloud. I find it funny how no writing brings as much comfort or contentment as our own. I still hope to follow through with my ambition of compiling an assortment of my own creative writing pieces and assembling a book. Perhaps become someone like Julie Orringer whom I had met during a field trip to 826 Valencia my senior year. Her collection of short stories was exquisite. Nonetheless, I want to be an author of a book, even if I’m the only one the entire world who owns it. Wouldn’t it be something to pull a book off the shelf in your house and say, “Yes, that’s mine. I wrote that.” Perhaps it’s a little extreme to assume no one would ever read my book. I’d at least force my parents into reading it. It would most certainly be a life achievement and something I’ve been meaning to seek help and support in order to achieve my dream.
I’d like to conclude this journal entry by looking back at nineteen wonderful years. I know I’m young and that I have so much ahead of me and why am I dwelling on such a silly thing. But a very good friend of mine got married last week. We were best friends throughout our senior year of high school. And though I don’t see her often because she’s attending school in Santa Barbara, I’m sad that she is moving to Maryland to be with her husband once summer begins. Whether the sadness I feel is selfish or sympathy, I gave her my congratulations.
The reason why I bring this up is that I wonder what my life would be like if I were her. Would I choose love or what was safe? An education, my family, or the love of my life? I’ve concluded after much thinking, even prior to this event, that it’s not fair to have to choose at such a young age. Yet people must make this decision each and every day. So, I guess I just want to say so that everyone can hear: I feel so lucky to have been given the opportunity to experience so many of my desires and I truly believe that I’m one of the luckiest and spoiled people around. And in case I die tomorrow, the world should know that I know that I’ve been given so many chances, opportunities, and support. I am thankful.
