By Yalie Kamara

I have only had to use TheraFlu once this year and as a result of this medical influence, two loads of laundry took me five hours to complete. I wish I were kidding. I made Dean’s List last quarter and this quarter my allergies have been the worst that they have been in several years; I’ve noticed a sharp spike in my sneezing frequency. I’m a ridiculous insomniac writing to you at 4:06 am. I drink more coffee than my mother would like. My creative writing professor Chris Abani has changed my life; I’ll leave a slightly paraphrased (for lack of better memory and poor shorthand) quote of his at the bottom. I’ve learned the magic of Riverside sunsets, in their pink, orange, and purple glory. I have observed that it costs a lot more money to maintain a Bay Area lifestyle in southern California. Nobody can tell me “a grip” is a better way of expressing abundance than “hella.” I lived in International Village with American and study abroad students but the best part was that we had our own bathrooms and functional kitchens. I’m sort of going out with a guy down here and that makes me more nervous than I have been in a while. I have been locking my hair since I have last seen you—in other words, I have dreadlocks, folks. They are a reddish brown tone. I am still afraid of death and will someday have the courage to face it. Ask me anything about the French New Wave Cinema, but that doesn’t mean that I’ll be able to answer everything. I still don’t enjoy the college party scene. I was in the Vagina Monologues this year. MTV approached me on campus for a television show. I don’t believe anything that I see on MTV, but I still like Laguna Beach. I have become more of a cynic this year. A little more critical. I expect the world from people, yet I constantly disappoint myself. I have become more interested in the Negritude movement—David Diop’s wife, Virginia, had the same last name as me. I took a French Class on African women writers and have never felt more alive. Again, I was the only black student in the class, but women like Mariama Ba and Ken Bugul kept me company. The Abandoned Baobab was written for me. Sometimes, my emotional support system is negligible in Riverside, but love pours in from places such as Discovery Bay, Oakland, Berkeley, San Francisco, Irvine, Los Angeles, Minnesota, Massachusetts, Ohio, Michigan, and Spain. I spent a slightly embarrassing amount of money on jeans this year in hopes that they would last me the rest of my undergrad career. I no longer harbor unrequited love for a certain boy in New York; he’s now a file (creative writing final project) on my computer that he may never see. I’ve recently learned that I weep not only out of pain, but also out of relief and contentment, and when this happens, my eyes are not bloodshot. Instead they look like I’ve awakened from slumber and are waiting for a few blinks, reintegration into life. With each confrontation I’ve had, I’ve learned that silence isn’t an excuse for anything. I’ve become more unapologetic for the way I feel about a lot of things. I still have standards that I won’t compromise.

The sun twinkles, the shades sway from the wind, and Zero 7 plays at the perfect volume in Ahely and my bedroom. Monique Alvarez tells us that she hasn’t been in a place so peaceful in a while; I am thankful, blessed, grateful, and appreciative for peace and the nature, hearts, and spirits that allow for it. I’m going to Bahia, Salvador, Brazil from September to December of 2005, January to mid-February of 2006, then Rio de Janeiro from mid-February to mid-July of 2006. I am a Sondre Lerche fan, but still don’t know how to pronounce his name. I’ve fallen in love with Riverside, though she disappoints me from time to time, and then I realize like people, she is only human—maybe we’re all doing the best we can right now. I’m still excited by Eamon, Chinaka, Kevin, Jennifer, and Melissa’s posts. I had dinner with Stephen Thomas, the director from Oxbow, and again, I didn’t know how to explain to him how much he means to me. I’m driven despite being confused. I have declared my concentration for Creative Writing to be Creative Nonfiction. I’ve changed my French major to a Foreign Languages major, with a concentration in French and Portuguese. I have recently become a thoughtful procrastinator. I have an off-and-on obsession with perfecting cornbread and iced tea and wouldn’t mind making you each or both of these comestibles, provided that you ask me while we’re in a kitchen. I have been moved to breathe, laugh, think, and love by the peers in my Creative Writing classes. I am still very critical of myself but rejoice at the thought of my somewhat success with my year-long attitude adjustment. Bryan Ziadie is one of the best people on earth; I want to thank him for staying on campus later than he needed to just to walk me home after my 9pm Thursday movie screenings, getting me on board with Mosaic (I was the assistant fiction editor, the journal rocks this year: www.mosaic.ucr.edu) Literary Journal, discussing theory, suggesting books, and overall enriching my life in Riverside. Ahely is still the best roomie and we like to introduce ourselves to people one after the other, in any order, and see how much they hybridize our names (e.g. Yahely, Ahalie, etc.). My Riverside friends are not like my friends back home, and it should be that way; it means that I’m learning more. Myla, Ahely, Clyde, Maddy, Saliha, Mosaic Crew, Jalata, Chris, Alex, Moniques, Amy, and everyone else, thank you for dialogue, disagreement, honesty, and challenge. I overpacked this year; it will take me five days to part with hangers, cotton balls, a half-used bottle of Chloraseptic, and old papers. I took only one general education (required classes) course this year and have become more inspired by school than I have been since 2nd semester senior year or parts of sophomore year. I wear a size 7 ring on my ring finger and a 7 ½ on my index finger. 826LA makes me want to learn how to drive. I want to hang out with big Nínive and little Nínive this summer. Big Nínive, I’d even baby sit little Nínive for free, she’s so cute. Typing the name Nínive makes me say it out loud; this is highly enjoyable.

“Do you ever read Physics books and notice the beauty in the way that they’ve been written? You’re supposed to read them. You have to read everything. I can’t teach you how to write, I can only give you the tools to help you become a more nuanced writer. You can’t write and think your work is more special than anyone else’s. You have to respect the writing of others. You have to be committed to your craft and understand the work of others. If you’re not in awe of this thing [writing], then why do it?” -Chris Abani

I had a perplexing dream this year in which there was a fortune cookie that read: “The thing that will bring you excitement is the thing that will bring you death.” I was troubled until I figured out what the “thing” was: Life.

This type of motion feels good. I love you all.