By Terence Li
One. No, two months have elapsed since I first stepped foot into my spotless and clean dorm room with my parents and siblings. So swiftly have the days snuck by my attention that suddenly at the start of Thanksgiving break, I saw my room strewn with items from three young adults. Then I realized how sleep-deprived I was and became aware I’d been surviving school independent from my family. The epiphany overwhelmed me and my eyes swelled with water. I had survived two months of Stanford University. I had lived two months at Stanford University.
These past two months have marked the most intensive phase of my life. Yes, teachers and counselors at Mission High School warned me that Stanford would be an entirely different ballgame but never would I, or anyone for that matter, have understood what that meant until I was here. No one person in this world can tell me the complete, comprehensive Stanford experience because it’s one that is unique and individualized. Education at the college level and at Stanford requires more than just effort. Trying to succeed and thrive (meaning get A’s and be active in school) takes cutting hours of sleep, skipping a few meals here and there, missing out on parties, focusing when doing homework, staying awake in classes, interacting with the professors, seeking help from tutors, and learning to repel negative thoughts. Frightening, is it not?
After arriving home on November 26 and reflecting upon how the school year had gone for me, I became conscious of the fact that I managed pull through. However, I knew that I was not done. There were two more weeks remaining in the quarter after this break, but it was this break that offered me time to catch up. This was something I am not accustomed to. In high school, I remember spending my school breaks getting ahead of class or just relaxing. Not many times did I use those breaks to get back on track. I just knew that in addition to being thankful for the food, family, and school friends, I was very thankful for the one-week Thanksgiving break. Stanford did not give a day off for any other holidays since the quarter began. As I spent the break catching up with homework, sleep, and my family, I also spent a large amount of time replaying my first quarter at Stanford University.
New Student Orientation (NSO) was a blast. Before September, I had gotten used to hearing about my friends’ excitement for college, especially after they attended their school’s orientation and after they find out who their roommates were. During the summer, I despised Stanford for keeping these two packages of information from me. It would not be until the day that NSO began (one week before the start of school) that I’d understand how Stanford did things. I spent the whole week interacting with as many people as I could see. While walking through the dorm hallway, “Hello! I’m Terence.” While meandering through the quad, “Hi! I’m Terence!” Gleefully, I tried to meet as many people as possible and make college feel like home. During this initial week of orientation, I already noticed my sleeping patterns altering. I would delightedly attend evening activities such as Band Run, where the LSJUMB would play songs and run all over the campus while 1,700 freshman chased and followed; capture the flag, a massive game of 850 students on each side battling an hour before midnight; NSglow, which is a glowstick party for the freshman class; and so many more late night activities that I wouldn’t ever imagine to participate in. That was just the gimmick.
When school started, things looked fine for the first two weeks. I felt that I marvelously integrated myself into the college life. As soon as the first midterm came by, my confidence went down the drain. I no longer felt that I had the smarts I once did. Things were not looking bright at all and still today, I know that finals are approaching but I do not think I’ll do exceptional on them. After getting C’s and B’s on my midterms, I tried to study harder. Instead of going out and having fun on weekends, I stayed in my dorm and tried to study by redoing problem sets and reading through materials again, but to no avail. By the second midterm, I received pretty much the same grades for my tests. I did not know what to think of all of this because I did not have the time to sit down and think. All I had time to do was study, study, and study. Everything was overwhelming and it was not until Thanksgiving break that I had the time to relax a bit.
After spending a week writing essays and completing homework at home in San Francisco, I realized that I have to alter my attitude towards life at Stanford. The approach that I going to take from now on is to just do my best so whatever comes out will be my best. I will do my best to be optimistic and find balance between practicality and confidence. Hopefully, my finals will have higher grades and future quarters will re-build my confidence.
