I spent a very long time doing what made sense to you, and you would claim it was only logical. And when I was finally done, I found that I hadn’t done anything. You tell me that nothing matters, that everything will one day be nothing, and that’s not an opinion, just a fact. So, why care? Why does it matter now if, one day, it is going to be nothing? We are nothing in the middle of an uncaring existence, with no impact on anything past the tiny thing we call our lives.
And I thought you were right.
I thought that I was alone in a tragic world where others were blind to its pointlessness.
And that thought was exhausting.
Sad, isn’t it? When you prove yourself right, when I give up, the world does seem cruel and uncaring. When you stop trying, everything is meaningless, and I look out at a world hollowed out because you said it was.
There was no reason to act.
But in the end, I was wrong.
I am alone. There is no fate, no greater purpose, and that is why I must act. I am unburdened by the expectations of destiny, and it is for that reason that I am free to choose what my destiny will be. It is because there is no greater purpose to life than simply living it that I must act, because, through my actions, I may give myself purpose. Through my actions, I can fill the hollowed-out world with what I believe to be true.
But it is easier said than done. Despite the fact that you have burdened me with what you call logic, this epiphany should serve as my cure. I can’t just leave you behind. You dug yourself deep into my emotions, and no ideology can change the way I feel.
And that is okay.
Easier said than done, not undoable. When I begin to walk away, though, there will be times when I look back. I may even regress to where I once was, and that is okay, that is normal, that is human. But when that happens, I can remind myself why I left, and slowly, methodically, and painfully, I will leave you behind. There will come a day when I remember you, and I will look back again, but by then, you will be so far away that I will swell with pride at how far I have strayed from your path.
I can change, I can heal, and long before everything is rendered meaningless, there will be people here who will love me and reasons for me to care.